To explain your child's needs to a nanny, ayah or house help, give her a one-page care sheet in her own language, teach three things first (how your child communicates, what upsets them and how to calm them, and the safety rules), and show her rather than tell her over the first week. Treat her as part of your child's team, pay her fairly for what is skilled work, and keep medicines, medical decisions and therapy planning with you.
Most house help in Indian cities have never heard the words autism, sensory processing or AAC. That is fine. They do not need the labels. They need to know what your child's behaviour means and what to do in the next five minutes.
Be clear about the job you are hiring for
In Indian homes the same person is often expected to sweep, cook, wash vessels and look after a child who needs close supervision. With a child who has extra needs, that rarely works. Decide which of these you need:
- House help who cleans or cooks and is around your child but not responsible for them.
- A nanny or ayah whose main job is your child.
- A live-in caregiver who is part of the household routine, including mornings and nights.
If you want child care and housework, say so clearly at the start and pay for both. A nanny who is also cooking for six cannot safely watch a child who bolts out of the door.
How to explain your child's condition in simple words
Skip the diagnosis talk unless she asks. Describe what she will see and what it means. For example:
"Kabir understands much more than he can say. When he takes your hand to the fridge, he wants juice. Loud sounds like the mixer and the pressure cooker hurt his ears, so he may scream or hide. When he flaps his hands, he is happy, so please don't stop him. He is not naughty and he is not spoilt. His brain works a little differently."
Ask her what she has seen before. She may have looked after a relative's child with similar needs, or she may have heard beliefs like nazar or "bad upbringing". Gently replace those with what you know: "The doctor says this is how he was born. It is nobody's fault."
The one-page care sheet
Write it in her language, or have someone translate it, and add photos where you can. Stick it on the fridge and send a copy on WhatsApp.
| Section | What to write |
|---|---|
| About my child | Name they like, what they love (songs, toys, foods), what makes them laugh |
| How they communicate | Words, signs, pictures or a device, and what common gestures mean |
| What upsets them | Specific sounds, smells, touch, crowds, changes in routine, hunger, tiredness |
| Early warning signs | Covering ears, humming louder, pacing, biting their hand |
| How to help them calm | Quiet corner, a tight hug or blanket, a particular song, less talking |
| Food | What they eat, how food is cut, allergies, choking risks, no new foods without asking |
| Toilet and bath | The routine, words used, what help they need |
| Daily routine | A visual schedule of the day, including therapy times |
| Never do | Shout, hit, threaten, lock in a room, tease, force-feed |
| Emergency | Your numbers, a neighbour, the paediatrician, the nearest hospital, and any seizure or allergy plan from your doctor |
Keep it to one page. If it is longer, it will not be read.
What to teach first
Do not try to transfer everything in a day. Focus on three things in the first week.
1. How your child communicates
Show her your child's ways of asking, refusing and showing pain. If your child uses picture cards or an AAC device, teach her to keep it within reach and to respond when your child uses it. Our post on teaching family to use your child's AAC works for house help too.
2. Triggers and calming
Walk her through the two or three situations that most often lead to meltdowns, and exactly what to do. Our Meltdown vs Tantrum Decision Guide helps you explain the difference, and transition warning cards give her a simple way to prepare your child for changes.
3. Safety
Cover doors, water, road, medicines and choking before anything else (more on this below).
Show, then do, then watch
- Day 1 and 2: she watches you through the routine.
- Day 3 and 4: she does it with you beside her.
- Day 5 onwards: she does it and you watch from a distance, then talk about what went well.
If your child has therapy at home, ask if she can sit in on part of a session (as paid working time). Seeing the therapist handle a meltdown teaches more than any instruction sheet.
When you do not share a language
In Bangalore it is common for a nanny to speak Kannada, Tamil, Hindi, Bangla or Odia, and for parents to speak something else. Some things that help:
- Use pictures and photos for routines, not long written instructions.
- Record short WhatsApp voice notes, ideally translated by a friend or relative who speaks her language.
- Teach a few key words in each other's language: stop, water, toilet, hurt, finished.
- Demonstrate everything. Words get lost; actions do not.
- Check understanding by asking her to show you, not by asking "Did you understand?"
Safety rules for a child with extra needs
Children who cannot talk, do not sense danger, or wander need specific rules:
- Doors and gates. Main door always latched, with a high bolt if your child can open handles. Tell her your child may run, and never to open the door to strangers.
- Water. No child left alone in the bathroom. Buckets emptied, sumps and tanks closed.
- Road and lifts. Hand held at all times outside. Agree whether she may take your child downstairs at all.
- Medicines and cleaning products locked away. Only you give medicines unless you have written down exactly what, when and how much.
- Food. No new foods, no whole grapes or nuts if your child has trouble chewing.
- Screens. The Indian Academy of Pediatrics screen time guidelines specifically ask parents to watch for screen exposure when a child is with a domestic help. Agree on the rule clearly.
- Verification. Many Bangalore apartment associations ask for police verification of domestic staff. Ask your association or local police station how it works.
If you are worried your child is being mistreated
Children who cannot speak cannot tell you if something is wrong, so watch for changes: sudden fear of one person, unexplained marks, new sleep problems, or losing skills. Drop in at unexpected times. If you use a home camera, tell her it is there.
If you suspect your child has been harmed, take them to a doctor, and contact the child helpline 1098, which the Ministry of Women and Child Development has integrated with the national emergency number 112. If anyone is in immediate danger, call 112 or go to the nearest emergency department. If you are overwhelmed yourself, Tele MANAS offers free, 24x7 mental health support on 14416 or 1-800-891-4416. If you live abroad, use your local emergency number.
Respect and fair pay
Looking after a child with extra needs is skilled, tiring work, and a good nanny who stays is worth more than any gadget. Things that help her stay:
- Pay fairly, on time, and more than for ordinary housework, because the job is harder.
- A fixed weekly day off and paid leave, including when you travel.
- Food, water and a place to sit and rest during the day.
- A raise when the duties grow, for example when your child stops napping.
- Thank her in front of your child, and never speak badly about her in front of them.
Help her register on e-Shram, the Ministry of Labour and Employment's national registration portal for unorganised workers, which explicitly includes domestic workers. Registration can be done at Common Service Centres, and it links workers to government social security schemes.
What not to delegate
- Medicines and medical decisions, except clear written instructions you have agreed.
- Therapy planning. She can follow simple strategies, but goals are for you and the therapist.
- Discipline beyond the responses you have agreed together.
- School meetings and therapy updates. You stay the main point of contact.
- Being the only adult who knows your child. A grandparent, neighbour or friend should also know the routine in case she is ill or leaves.
For an older child, talk to her about privacy during bathing and dressing, and teach your child the body safety rules that apply to every adult.
When to get professional help
If your child's behaviour is very hard to manage, or each new nanny leaves within weeks, ask your child's therapist to help you build a simpler routine and a short training plan. Our posts on therapy logistics for working parents and respite care in India may help you plan the bigger picture.
Carely's therapists work with children at home across Bangalore, so your nanny can watch sessions and learn the same strategies. Our free Visual Schedule Maker is a good place to start: print the day's routine for her and your child. See our services or message us on WhatsApp.
Frequently asked questions
How do I find a nanny for an autistic child in India?
Look for patience and willingness to learn rather than experience with a diagnosis. Ask your child's therapist, school and parent groups for referrals, and do a paid trial week where you work alongside her.
Should I tell the maid about my child's diagnosis?
She needs to know how to care for your child safely, not the medical label. Describe behaviours and what they mean. Share the diagnosis if it helps her understand, and ask her to keep it private.
Can a nanny do my child's therapy exercises?
She can help with simple daily practice the therapist shows her, like waiting for a word or following a visual schedule. Planning and adjusting therapy should stay with you and the therapist.
What if my nanny does not speak my language?
Use pictures, demonstrations and translated voice notes, and agree on a handful of key words. Ask her to show you what she will do, to check understanding.
Is it okay to have a camera at home?
Many parents use one for peace of mind. Be open with her that it is there, and use it alongside drop-ins and conversations, not instead of building trust.